What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. 29. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Read more. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. A drill serGENTLEMEN! The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. She also liked her scotch. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Caller: Do you have his right number? One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Air Traffic Control 6. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. Aeronautical Humor. Heres what they came up with: He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. If you cant pick it up, paint it. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Gary Toohard. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. In-dough-structible For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! He nodded. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Then one day I couldnt find it. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. 7. She told me she warships them. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". 12. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Aviation JOKES. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. So I quit ordering it.. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? More information More like this I will take the both of you for a ride. This site contains affiliate links. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. 33. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: R-i-i-ing!) 45. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Killed bin Laden. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Caller: Sgt. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Thanks.. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. The reason? You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. Large mahogany desk.. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Altitude is life insurance. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! ! Again, no reply. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. I say again, stand down and divert your course. He then made his way to my side. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. USN: Helos One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. How old are you? a tenant asked. Pizza de Resistance Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. 1. 18. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Rodrigues there? If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Individual use is by implied consent. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Theres a post recall and he went to work. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. 17. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Good news and bad news, my instructor said. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. What does ARMY mean to you? A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Why Do We Celebrate It? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference Good judgment comes from experience. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. Caller: Is Sgt. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? [Answered]. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? You can see why: Military 3. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. 11. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Louis, I grumbled. SUB sandwiches! Airmens mess, sir.. Me: Hello? 38. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. You had tents?" Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla It helps to keep the pilot cool. From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 4. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Only one. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Im 81 years old, he answered. 1. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. St. The Army will post guards around the building. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. 4. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. 41. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? They all originally set out to become Marines. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. 14. Why won't you kiss me? How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? There are many branches of the military. Whats an LMD? I asked. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Did you make it all by yourself? The Scouts at least have adult supervision. What are you doing? I asked. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Attention! At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. A PETTY officer! 10. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . This is really good, he said. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Of course, he responded. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. He thought he would be home about 13:30. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl DeFrigNo! You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. (Hang up. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. 2. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. 11. When Is Military Appreciation Month? 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . One stated they would love to work on a submarine. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. Aircraft Engineers 1. Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference Semper Pie What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? The tenant shook her head. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. Why? I asked. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Co-Pilot: What?!. We have one or two in here! 3. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with.